


Save Me

by Writeofyourlife



Category: Joniss - Fandom, The Hunger Games, catching fire - Fandom, mockingjay - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-18 22:31:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writeofyourlife/pseuds/Writeofyourlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She accepted why Katniss had had to choose Peeta, but returning home to seven alone had hit her harder than she had thought. Spiraling into a numbness fueled by Morphling Jo tires to move on. But she can't shake the feeling that somethings not right, she can't shake the feeling that Katniss is in danger. Her need to protect Katniss leads her to the Mellarks door, where all is not well. Maybe there only hope of savior is each other...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's not real.

**_Run! Just Run!_ ** The only clear words in Johanna’s mind. She could feel them closing in on her, her heart beating double time as she sprinted through the snowy woods, no longer caring how loud her feet fell against icy ground. They were coming, the time for sneaking silently past them was over.  Kill or be killed, that was what it was now. By her calculations there was five of them left, Titus the mad boy who had become so crazed by hunger he had begun eating the fallen tributes. Herself. 3 Career tributes.  
  
Tall pine tree’s thick on either side of her as she dodge through the forest, she had to get to the clearing. At the clearing everything would be out in the open, nowhere for them to hide, visibility would be better. It will be more dangerous fighting out in the open but it will force hand to hand combat, Johanna’s strength.  This could be the only way she might win now.

The clearing was in sight, light opening up and flooding in as the tree line became thinner, she could see the bright light glinting off the cornucopia. It was within reach. Her hand fell to her belt and grasped the handle of her Axe tightly, ready to pounce. She barely made it to the tree line when a strong force hit her from the side, knocking her to the ground. She rolled over struggling with the body that was trying to force her down, coming to stop as her wrists hit the cold ground beneath her. The boy from two… in her current hysteria she couldn't even begin to think of his name, even if she would allow herself to put a name to her kills. That’s all she could let them be now, make them people and this is murder… She couldn't allow herself to call it murder here, here it is nothing more than survival. There would be time for grief and guilt if she got out of here alive. _**When she got out of here alive.** _  
  
Pushing hard against the rough hands of the boy she managed to loosen his grip enough to reach for her Axe, jabbing the handle into his ribs with bone crushing force. There was a faint crack and a loud scream as he fell to his side.   ** _No time to think. End this._**  She raised her Axe and buried it firmly into his neck, a spray of blood warm against her face and the sound of canon rang through the air. Four of us left. Pressing a boot to the boys side and pulling the Axe from his flesh, she continued to press on.  
  
Moving out into the clearing, the light now almost blinding after days under the thick canopy of the trees, they weren't here yet. She had the advantage. Squinting her eyes as she tried to focus her sight, her hazel eyes scanning the treeline around the clearing. **_A figure. It’s time._** She could see someone moving through the trees, there was no urgency to the way they moved, Jo could only assume it was one of the other two career tributes. They didn't know that she deserved there fear yet. Her hand still holding tightly onto her Axe, ready to strike, her senses now working overtime she wouldn't be caught off guard again.  
  
Except the face that appears from the tree’s is a face she knows well, a face she has studied a thousand times.   _You can’t be here. You were not here._ The adrenaline to survive melted away, leaving nothing but pain, guilt and confusion. Her Axe fell to the ground beside her as she dropped to her knees, she could feel the arrow aimed towards her.  The grey eyes of its archer burning into her skin, As her gaze focused on the floor unable to look up.   ** _Katniss. Katniss… How?_**

“Jo! Jo run!” Katniss’s voice laced with panic, it cracked through what had seemed like silence. That moment of still that always seemed to settle before Katniss made a kill, but there was nothing but fear in her eyes when Jo finally allowed herself to look back up. What was she afraid of? That's when she saw him... Peeta Mellark. He came thundering through the tree line, Katniss began to run for Jo but he was fast. Faster than Jo ever remembered him to be, a crazed look in his eyes. Like it wasn't even him. Jo knew that look, she'd seen that look before but how? "He's a Mutt!" Jo screamed at the top of her lungs toward Katniss, but her voiced twisted a echo'd across the space between them. Her vision becoming clouded as she tried to drag herself to her feet, though now it felt as if her legs were bound together, unable to make them move. Unable to reach Katniss. Save Katniss. The bright light that had almost given the scene a surreal shine was draining away, all the color leaking away and pooling like water at Jo's feet. "Jo!" Katniss screamed, Peeta closing in on her with every second that passed.   
  
Peeta's hands connected with Katniss throat with a chilling amount of strength, the air felt like it had been ripped out of Jo's lungs. It was as if Jo would be denied of air every second that Katniss was, one could not breath without the other. _**This isn't real. It can't be real.**_

Jo's eye flew open, Katniss's name still on her lips as her body bolted up right in bed. Her clothes clung to her, heavy with sweat and her short hair stuck to the sides of her face. Throwing herself out of bed she just about made it to the bathroom into time, the bitter taste of bile on her tongue as she dry heaved into the sink. Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand shakily, she eyed herself in the mirror. **_You look like shit Mason. What are you Doing._** She rolled her eyes at herself and brushed the damp hair off of her face. Her eyes dropped to the draw on the other side of the room. **_Don't do it Mason._  **She knew she shouldn't, Katniss had helped her successfully wean herself off it all those years ago in District 13, the same Katniss who looked her in the eyes and told her. ' _I love you, but I can't be with you. I owe Peeta too much...'_ The words still clear as day in Jo's mind. Jo had tried to move on, go back to seven, try to lead a normally life. But what is normal? Everything is different now, the fear for their lives that used to be a daily occurrence was now non existent. They were free to move about the Districts, free to see who they wanted, love who they please. Except Jo couldn't be with the person she loved. The person she loved was loved by another, slept wrapped in that persons arms.   _ **She should be here with me.**_  
  
She had tried several different methods to try and numb the loneliness, dull the nightmares. Alcohol had worked for a while, but the terrors had started to creep back in slowly, getting more and more vivid. Losing every one she loved over and over every night. The rebellion may have ended for Panem, but the tortured minds of the victors left alive will never rest. Haunted by the ghosts of there pasts. Fumbling the cap off of the needle, her fingers trembling from the withdrawal. Closing her eyes she pushed the needle into her skin and let out a satisfied sigh, it was like instant relief. She let herself slide down the wall to the floor letting the welcomed numbness wash over her. Every time she tried to stop, stop being so reliant, this feeling would always pull her back, why wouldn't it? Who would say no to being offered a moment of peace, no matter how fleeting, in a life of chaos and pain? When you have nothing left to lose, what risk are you really taking. 

                                                             -----------------------------------------------------  
  
Days past in a blur, it was like no time past at all, Jo wasn't even sure how much of it she had even spent awake. The Morphling offered a different kind of sleep, it wasn't restful but it wasn't plagued with the horrors of the past. There had been one thought present in her mind though, one thought as she swam through the artificial euphoria.  _ **She isn't safe with him.**_ It was a thought that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake. She was sure she wouldn't be welcome, the last time they had talked had been just after the rebellion. Broken promises on both sides, tears shed, twisted words said out of anger and hurt. Words she wished she could take back. But she couldn't take them back, and you can't go back to the past and try and fix something before you brake it. Whether she was welcome or not though, she had to check. Make sure that Katniss was okay.  _ **Get yourself clean. Go and see her.**_  
  
Throwing her entire supply of Morphling away had been easier than she anticipated, spurred by the fact couldn't bare the shame of Katniss seeing her like this, not after everything. The next few days would be hard though. The sickness, the sweating, the nightmares... Withdrawal was never easy, usually she would end up just giving in. _**Not this time Mason.**_ This time she would have to ride it out. And when she was out the other side she would make her way to 12, Maybe stay with Haymitch? Just ease her mind... as much as she could ease it anyway. She just needed to see her, one last time, make sure shes happy. _**Katniss deserves to be happy.**_  


	2. She belongs with me.

Getting herself clean had taken much longer than she anticipated. It was rough in District 13 but it was nothing like this, at 3 weeks in the sickness had stopped but the visions had continued for much longer. There was no way to describe them, she used to think the nightmares where bad, these hallucinations where a whole other matter entirely. You couldn't just wake up from them, tell yourself it isn't real and try to calm your mind. They were a relentless barrage of twisted, dark imagery that clung to her mind day and night, asleep or awake. No escape.  After two months the visions had begun to calm, they didn't last as long, weren't as vivid. Eventually they stopped all together, there would still be the odd occasion that Jo would catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye, but on further examination it was usually nothing. Just leftover paranoia.  
  
Three months after she had thrown the Morphling supply out, she deemed herself well enough to make the journey to twelve, she didn't exactly look what you might call well. But her mind was cleared of the fogginess, her senses sharp edge returning more and more each day. The sickness had caused her to loose a lot of weight, something she was only noticing now with a clear head. She had covered all the mirrors in the house after a particularly bad night a few weeks ago, where she had imagined a version of herself from her games crawling out of the mirror and coming to kill her, covered in blood, Axe in hand. Taunting her with words of how 'Pathetic' She had let herself become. Pulling the sheets down now though, she barely recognized the figure that looked back at her. Her clothes that once fit perfectly, now hung loosely from her scrawny form, her eyes sunken with dark rings under them.  _ **You look like shit Mason.**_ Facing Katniss looking like this was not something she wished to do, but the nagging feeling in the back of her mind had only intensified over time. The clearer her mind got, the more urgency Jo felt to see her, check on her. It was most likely an irrational feeling.  _ **It is an irrational feeling.**_ But she felt if she didn't go now, then she would be be too late.  _ **Too late for what exactly?**_ She didn't know, it was just a feeling like something bad was about to happen. A strange sense that Jo had since her Reaping. She hadn't seen that coming and it had hit her like a train to the chest, since then vowing to never be blindsided again, She has had this sort of sixth sense. Alerting her to oncoming danger. This was like the same uneasy feeling she had on the train back to seven after her games, returning to find out her family was gone. The same feeling she had before the Quell was announced. The same feeling she had when Katniss had returned from the capitol and told her she had to be with Peeta....  _ **Something is coming.**_ _ **  
**_

After a very brief, garbled on his end, conversation with Haymitch. It had been arranged that Jo would stay with him during her time in twelve, she hadn't explained the real motive behind her visit, just insisting that she thought a visit to twelve was overdue by about five years. Unaware of the reason Jo had stayed away so long Haymitch had just agreed and told her to "get your ass over here sweetheart, I've been missing a drinking partner". The trip didn't take long, in the 'new Panem' you could travel between Districts freely, the train and the hovercrafts now available to all at various times of the day. Jo favored the hovercrafts, they were faster and didn't remind her of being taken away to what could of been her death, and then returning her to a home of ghosts. Taking a deep breath as the Hovercraft touched down in twelve she tried to remind herself that she was doing this for unselfish reason. _ **You're just checking shes safe. You don't expect anything. This is for Katniss's safety.**_  She almost believed herself, but she knew deep down that part of this was to ease the aching in her heart. Seeing her with Peeta would hurt, she knew that much, but just to see her face again... After all this time. That would make it worth it. 

                                            -----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Haymitch!" Yelling through the door as her knuckles wrapped against the hard wood again. He had told her when to arrive, assured her that he would be awake....  _ **Never trust the word of a drunk.**_ She sighed, turning her back to the door and slumping down into a crouched position. Twelve looked different from last time she was here, granted that hadn't been since her victory tour, which was so long ago now. But after the fire bombings, Twelve looked as though it had been rebuilt like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Though there was one thing that remained unchanged, the woods still looked the same. She had eyed the treeline as the hovercraft landed. Half expecting to see a seventeen year old Katniss sliding herself between the wire in the fence, her fathers old hunting bow hung over her shoulder. During there time in thirteen Katniss had told her about sneaking under the fences, hunting in the woods like her father had shown her. That was how Jo imagined her, that's how she would always imagine her. That girl... wise beyond her years, with fire in her heart and fight in her eyes, driven by her need to protect those she loved.   
  
After what seemed to be a good hour or so Haymitch finally wrenched the door open, the strong smell of stale liquor filling the air as Jo feel backwards through the doorway. "Why didn't cha knock sweetheart" He laughed, knowing full well that he had been in one of his usually drunken states. It was almost impossible to wake him from it without a bucket of cold water. His gruff tone sounded so familiar though, it was almost like coming home in a way. Fighting together, living together during there time in  thirteen, they had all become like some sort of dysfunctional family. Dragging herself up from the floor she gave him a smirk, she was actually pleased to see him. "Thanks I'll try that next time" She scoffed, grabbing her bags and shuffling past him into the house, where the smell of booze just intensified. Empty bottles strewn about the rooms, covering almost every flat surface. "Jesus Haymitch, you heard of a bin?" He just looked at her and laughed, slumping himself down into one of the chairs and raising a bottle into the air, pointing towards a door behind her. "That there's your room for now, you can dump you're bags in there. Peeta comes around and tidies it up for me, he isn't due for a few more days though so get used to it".   
  
 _ **Typical. Of course Peeta was looking after him. Peeta who could do no wrong. Care's for everyone. Peeta who took Katniss from me.**_ Her words resounding bitterly in her head as she tossed her bag to the corner of the room, there was a light thud as it hit the floor, and she threw herself onto the bed with a heavy sigh. What did she expect? She knew all to well that Peeta was here, she knew the deal with Katniss. Of course she was going to hear his name. See his face. She gritted her teeth at the thought. Anger threatening to boil up in her veins.  ** _It wasn't Peeta's fault._  **She tried to remind herself. And that was true, Peeta had no idea what had gone on between her and Katniss... Jo questioned whether she would be alive if he had found out about there ' _friendship'_ back in thirteen. In his hijacked state she was sure he would of ripped her head from her shoulders without a second thought. Perhaps he still would... She would have to be careful to control her feelings for Katniss during this trip. Keeping them locked down inside her chest, never letting them bubble to the surface, no matter how much it hurt. Laying her head back against the plush pillows on the bed, she tried to calm her mind. Relax her body. Though Sleep was unlikely, especially here in twelve. Knowing the girl she had longed after for all this time, was only yards away from her...  
  
                                            -----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A few days came and wen't, she didn't even leave the house. She had spent the last few days drinking with Haymitch, it seems the alcohol still managed to take the edge off a little. She should have gone to see Katniss and Peeta, that was the whole reason she was here after all, but fear hung heavy over her. Holding her back. _**What if she doesn't want to see you?**_ Terrified of the prospect that she might be unwelcome, she was surely unwelcome, Jo hadn't been able to motivate herself to knock on their door. She had gone over the scene in her head a thousand times, each time taking a different approach. Sometimes it would be Peeta who answered the door, in which case she was met with either Anger or a sickeningly sweet welcome. Other times it would be Katniss's face who peered at her from behind the door. Those scenarios we're worse. Having the door slammed angrily in her face, making it painfully clear she no longer held any kind of stature in Katniss's life. Or maybe Johanna would be unable to form words, frozen in place by that stormy grey gaze, like the past five years we're suddenly erased and no time had passed at all. There we so many scenarios, so many ways this could go wrong. She didn't like uncertainty, striving to always be prepared for what lay ahead was one of the few things that kept Johanna sane... Simply knocking on the door of the Mellark's household held to much uncertainty. She had to find another way.  _ **The woods.**_ That wasn't a bad idea... If Katniss still went out hunting, Jo couldn't imagine Katniss having a life without hunting, she was bound to still go out. It had always calmed her, settled her mind. In the woods was the closest Katniss was to being at peace. Jo could go out into the woods, first thing tomorrow morning. Haymitch probably wouldn't even notice, he would still be unconscious from the Alcohol binge from the night before. It was the only way she was sure to get Katniss alone, alone she would be able to gauge Katniss's reaction, and be able to manage it accordingly without having to worry about the fear of onlookers.  _ **Without having to worry about Peeta.**_

                                         -----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The dull light offered the perfect cover for sneaking out, with the majority of the District's residents still tucked away in their beds, it was unlikely she would have been seen slipping out of the town and towards the fences. She had decided against taking much with her, just her Axe that sat securely in her belt. An old pair of worn leather hunting boots that she found laying around the room Haymitch had allowed her to stay in offered the perfect footwear for treading silently through the woods. The cold air nipped at the exposed skin on her face, her breath gathering in a white cloud in front of her as she exhale hot breath. A light frost had settled across the dewy ground, causing the slight crunch of crisp fallen leaves underfoot. Not the best conditions to try and silently wander the woods. Katniss would hear her coming. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing though, it will already be shock enough to see Jo here... A place that from descriptions seemed was almost sacred to her. The next task was finding her, Jo had vague idea of where she might be. _**Go to the lake.**_   _'There's this clearing in the woods, that leads to a lake... Dad used to take me there in the summers, he taught me how to swim.'_ Katniss had told her this one night when she had asked about how Katniss knew how to swim. Most of the Districts were land locked, twelve being one of them. This usually meant that they didn't do as well with the water arena's, most of the tributes drowning while the District four tributes wen't on to be crowned victors. Katniss had even confided in her enough to give her a brief description on how they used to get there, it had been meant just to enhance the story at the time. Now Jo tried to use Katniss's words to build a mental map of her surroundings. She had to find that lake.  
  
  
The trees were different to here than the forest back home in seven, they grew more sporadically, not in the uniform lines like the tall pines. The leaves becoming different shades of Yellow and Orange in the winter weather.Not the evergreen color she was used to, that occasionally became masked by a dusting of white snow which never failed to regress Jo to an almost childlike state remember the winters with her parents. Winters were hard but she always remembered them fondly. Her father taking her out to play in the snow, cut the trees into logs, readying themselves for the cold nights spent huddled around the small open fire. Looking around again to check she was going the right way, she was sure she was. Yes she was. The tree's were beginning to thin out, much like they did in her dream, the light of the slowly rising sun leaking in between the leaves. Except this time she could see the light starting to glisten off water, the stillness and the calm of it, giving it a look of glass. She pressed on a little further, tucking her hands into her pockets, the chill getting more and more noticeable as she stepped out into the open. Bitterly cold air sweeping across the lake and straight towards her. Scanning the scene she saw her. _**Katniss? Katniss.**_ It was definitely her, crouched by the lakes edge looking out across the calm. He arrow resting aimlessly against  her bow string.    
  
The cold was gone, replaced by numb and a deep tug in her heart. Taking a moment to admire her from afar, watching her, fixated on the women she once knew... still loved... will always love. She should turn around, leave before she even notices she was there, come and go like a ghost in the night, to see but never to be seen. That would be safer, realizing in that moment that one more look will never be enough, she will need another and then another.  _ **She belongs with me.**_ Jo took a tentative step forward hearing a light crack under her foot, her gaze flicking down to the small snapped twig and then back up to the peaceful figure crouched by the waters edge, with cat like reflex's, spring up onto her feet and turn her bow on Jo. Once again It felt as though the air, and her words, had been ripped out of her. Hazel eyes locked with Grey.  _ **She belongs with me.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read, hope your enjoying it :D And what do we think? What reaction do you think Katniss should have? ;)


	3. Real. Not Real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long, I was ill and I didn't want to write until my mind was clear again. Then I got a little lost in some writers block but here it is F I N A L L Y . . . Much sorry Such love :3 Let me know what you think in the comments please and thank you, it's always helpful :) 
> 
> P.s This chapters from Kat's point of view I thought we should see inside her head for a little bit, expect it to flick between them a little as I go on. uvu

**_Calm_**. That was what it was, it was always calm. Come rain or shine, it didn’t matter, this was a kind of calm that came from inside. The feeling of being free, truly free, a feeling Katniss could only experience here. Could only experience once she was truly alone, alone her mind was free to lift itself from the painful thoughts that weighed her down.  Thoughts that prevented her from moving forward, moving on…   
  
Grey eyes settled lazily on the scene, the dull light of the rising sun reflecting cool blue’s and purples across the lakes surface, letting the chill in the air envelope her.  **_Peace._** A rare feeling that she seemed to only allow herself the joy of, in moments such as this.  Heavy lids fall closed as Katniss breathes in deeply, inhaling the smell of the woods, the smell of home and the smell of Peace.  ****_Calm._   
  


**_Snap._** The calm is gone, the peace disturbed. Grey eyes fly open wide as she turns on her heal, lifting her bow effortlessly from its limp position, readying her to attack. No more than a second has past, the bow sting instinctively pulled back and resting taught against the soft skin of her cheek. That’s when their eyes connect. Grey locked with Hazel. **_You shouldn’t be here. You are not here._** Luckily for Jo the shock caused Katniss’s hand drop the bow slightly to the right, she had let go of the string from pure shock and the arrow just about flew past Jo, missing her face by no more than an inch. The Bow fell to the ground between them.  Katniss stumbling back a few paces, her hand rising to her mouth, as if desperately trying to hold in the air and the words, as she tried to piece the scene together in her mind. **_This can’t be real._**

**_Not Real._** It couldn’t be, she hadn’t seen Johanna in the flesh for years… not since the day that had pulled them both to pieces, the day she left District 13 for the final time.  Left to start her life with Peeta, heading back to the ruined District they used to call home.  She had seen Johanna since that last day, but only ever in her nightmares.  The same nightmares every night, everyone she has ever cared for… losing them again and again… Nightmares that once she found bare-able wrapped in Peeta’s strong arms… Though when they returned to twelve she found she could never let Peeta hold her through her them again. He had tried, on more than one occasion, and she felt the familiar twang of guilt in her chest denying him. Knowing it hurt him to see her that way, when all he wanted was to take her pain away. But he was no longer the person who she felt safe with, his arms were not the comfort that she found solace in, after Johanna no arms ever would be again.   
Peeta had tried to understand, putting it down to his hijacking... the trust between them shattered, walls would need to be rebuilt _. 'It would take time'_ he said, she knew deep down that he hoped for the day to come where she let him hold her again, but that day would never come....  
  
Katniss turned her gaze away from Johanna as she tried searching for the calm, the calm that was no longer within reach, not with Johanna here.  **_Alive._** That’s how she felt now, so different from just moments before. Her mind was alive. Alive with memories, alive with thoughts and with emotion. The past five years being erased with just one look, a wave of the past rushing in like the opening of a flood gate inside Katniss’s mind. Thoughts and feelings that until now Katniss had denied herself.   
To stand a chance at being with Peeta, Katniss had had to banish any thoughts of Jo from her mind, something that would have ultimately proved impossible if Jo had of been around. Something that was impossible to do now, her heart aching for its lost but not forgotten owner as she turned her attention back to Jo.

“You missed brainless, I remember you being a better shot than that, must be losing it in your old age.” Johanna mocked, her signature smirk spread wide across her face. How could she be so calm about this? So casual? She had no right to just turn up here, without warning, a place that Katniss had once made clear was sacred to her… then act as if nothing has happened.   
“What the hell are you doing here Jo?” Was all Katniss manage in the way of a reply, her voice brash and unattached.  It wasn’t that Katniss didn’t want to see Jo again… in fact she had, on occasion, allowed herself a moment to fantasize about what it would be like to see her again. Under different circumstances, what would It be like to be held by her again, to kiss her again? But that was all it was, fantasy, the reality was that she just couldn’t see Johanna again… Yet here she stands as bold as ever mocking her in her woods. 

Katniss took a moment to study Jo, parts of her looked almost as broken as they had back in thirteen. Her eye’s sunken, her clothes hanging loosely from her once muscular figure. Though she seemed to have light returning in her eye’s… not so closed off and pained as her gaze was in thirteen. The clouded glazed look that the Morphling had always induced did not appear to be present. **_At least she’s clean._** Even like this, looking as though she still lives in a world where people in the districts starve, she has a hold over Katniss that she has never been able to shake. The curve of her lips pulled into a smirk, the scruffy black and red hair that framed her face, that fire behind her eyes. The same fire that Katniss recognises in her own eye’s, reflected back at her from Jo’s. A fire that burns with fight and passion, it had once burnt for each other. **_Maybe it still burns._** They were like red and green, there love burnt like a Forest caught on fire, Bold, Bright and close to unstoppable.

“I’m Visiting Haymitch.” Jo replied taking a few steps closer, causing Katniss to instinctively take a few more paces back. She noticed a look flash across Jo’s face… **_What is that look? Hurt._** “No. I mean what are you doing here? In my woods… by my lake…” She didn’t mean to be so cold with her, but was unsure of what to do. How do you deal with the women you love, turning up out of the blue, after five years? All while you’re trying your hardest to be happy with a man you know you will never truly be happy with, never truly love. Not how he wants her to love him anyway. “I wanted to see you.” Johanna’s words cut through her like a knife straight to her heart. A strange kind of anger building in the pit of her stomach and threatening to overflow. ****_I can’t hear this.  
  
 _ “Then why not call? Knock on the door?” Katniss’s voice growing in volume with every word until it was a shout. “Literally anything Jo! Not just turn up in the middle of my woods, like one of my Ghosts!” In her rage she hadn’t noticed the quick steps she had taken forward, stomping over to invade Johanna’s personal space and shove her firmly backwards, until Jo’s back was against one of the trees. Katniss’s hands pressed against her shoulders holding her there. Johanna’s face unreadable.

  
**_Real._** Everything about her was so real, the fire in her eyes burning brighter now they were so close. The way she felt so familiar. Her muscular shoulders and warm skin could be felt through her layers of clothes, warming the chill in Kat’s fingers. Something ached in the pit of her stomach, urging her to lean forward and bridge the gap between them, lean in and claim Johanna’s lips as her own. Something that had become second nature to them while sharing the bunk in District thirteen. **_You can’t. Peeta._** Swallowing the lump in her throat, Katniss stepped away with a sigh, her hands falling from Jo’s shoulders and resting by her sides. Her eyes dropping toward the floor. “I’m sorry….” Johanna’s voice almost weak, laced with a genuine remorse. “It’s not your fault.” Katniss mumbled half-heartedly in response. It wasn’t a lie, none of this had been Johanna’s fault. It was Katniss who had pushed her away… chosen Peeta…   
  
Against her best efforts to keep her true feelings contained, tears began to form in her eyes, threatening to spill out and make tracks down her cheeks. **_I can’t do this._**

She staggered backwards, reaching for the bow that had fallen between them just moments before. A somewhat disorientated look on her face, unable to comprehend the emotion that flooded through her. So much had happened in the short minutes that had past. She couldn’t even begin to process it, not here, not now. Not with Jo stood only meters away. **_This is too much. I have to go._ ** Wiping a few rouge tears from her cheeks Katniss pulled the bow over her shoulder, eyeing up the quickest route home through the woods.   
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” She mumbled in Jo’s direction before taking off into a sprint, fleeing the scene.


End file.
